Today I Turn Seventeen

8:48 AM

Today I turn seventeen and it hit me a bit harder then when I turned sixteen. 
It has been so many years (or so it feels), that I chased fireflies in the early summer night. The sun was slowly going down and the air felt so warm. Then I'd keep a jar of those beautiful lights in my room overnight, going to sleep to their glow. It's been awhile since I've tried to find Narnia in my closet, asking God why Aslan wasn't be real. I haven't filled the sidewalk with chalk drawings before the rain in quite some time, or visited my elderly neighbor and played hide-and-seek with her. It's been awhile since I thought that my American Girl dolls could talk or that adulthood was so far away - something that wouldn't happen for ages. It's been awhile since I thought dwarves lived under my bed. I'd curl up in a ball with the covers almost over my head so they couldn't get me. I now wish I'd read the Hobbit because who'd be scared of Thorin and Company?
But it's been a awhile, and time has passed me by... more quickly then I ever dreamed. I just want to hold onto my childhood as long as possible. I don't want to let go. I grasp those fun memories and want to go back into time. I'm like that. I don't let go of what I love easily. I try to hold on as long as possible. 
Now I'm seventeen and I've come to the realization... I can't be forever young - not in body. I can't stay a child forever and act like a child forever. It's time to let go - not of the memories, but of the HUGE fears of growing up, and be the young lady God has called me.  I feel God saying, "it's time to let go Kara - of your fears. Cling to me." 
It's time to be independent. It's time to drive on my own. It's time to follow God's call. I'm afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid that I'm not ready.
I'm seventeen and I just want to go back, but I can't.  I have to let go, and I have to let God. 

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