God,
I don't know what your plan for my life is now. I know we've had this conversation before but honestly Father, I'd like a little direction from here.
All my life I've dreamed of graduating so I could go out and proclaim Your word.  Now I'm just sitting here waiting for the mountains in my way to move.
Shall I stay or shall I go? And if I go, where am I supposed to be?
I'm comfortable where I am right now. I love my family, I love not having to go to work every morning and having all the time in the world for writing, but Lord I thought You usually work in my comfortable and push me out of my normal zone.
Could you be doing that now?


I know You tell me to have faith, but right now my faith is wavering. I'm afraid it's me. I'm the problem. I'm the reason I'm just sitting here.
I'm having a lot of doubts Lord. Maybe I'm supposed to move, and you've already given me direction and maybe me sitting here is me not listening.
If so can I have clearer direction? Can you give me a burst of reality like you tend to do when I'm being my hard-headed self?
My Dad asked if I'm ready for You to return but Father all I can think of is the people I've not yet reached. Those who are still on the streets, their hearts screaming for belonging. Lord, I want to help reach them.
All I can think about when asked if I'm ready for You is, what I haven't done. Who I haven't helped. Who isn't saved. What more could be done.
I'd like to do some of that now. I don't want to wait but every seemingly good, open door closes in my face.


So I'm sick of looking Lord. I'm tired of trying to find answers. Just show me Father. I don't want to look anymore. It's exhausting work and I'm too tired to continue.
Give me an opportunity to proclaim you to my country. Please Father.
Allow me to make a difference. Give me a chance to do something Father that you've placed on my heart for a long time. You know what that is Lord. You know my heart. You know I'm trying to bare my soul here, trying to get answers from the unseen.
Lord, where am I going from here?
As you wish Father. Amen.

Pictures via my camera Rebellious Heart (yes I named her)