Hola readers!

When I was eleven a friend of mine looked at what I'd chosen to wear that night at summer camp and said, "why do you always copy everyone?" I glanced at my plaid shorts and t-shirt and realized she was right.
I'd only chosen the outfit because we were going to a camp where everyone else was wearing plaid shorts and I'd brought them to fit in. In all respect, the shorts were ugly and looked like the plaid pants of the 1970s.

I was always like that growing up, always copying other people, mirroring their personality and style.
But just recently I've really felt that my image has been torn out from under me. Over the last part of 2017, God made me come to grips with some things I'd never taken time to consider before - like how my style and personality was a piece of everyone I'd known and not a piece of the real me.  He's shown me where I've been wrong and completely ripped away how I saw myself and said, "you're my daughter - mirror me, not everyone else."

Don't get me wrong, I hadn't been faking everything, but over the last half of 2017 I'd really begun to realize who Kara Lynn is.
It's not wrong to admire peers, to enjoy a certain style and copy aspects or to want to follow some of the latest trends, but it's too easy to get sucked into the comparative trap, to worry too much about what people think of you.
It's easy to jump into the box the world hands you, to accept that because you're a pastor's daughter you need to dress a certain way or talk a certain way. Or because you like rap music you have to dress like a rapper or because you like rock and are depressed you have to wear black, you need to get lots of piercings and dye your hair. Or because you are shy, you won't have any friends.
These are cliche images that aren't necessarily wrong, but are easy to mimic - for everyone. It's easy to say, I'm such and such way so I need to dress such and such way."

That's me.

I realize that I follow too easily. My friend at camp was right - I tend to like to copy everyone else. I play the comparative game on social media and try to measure up. 
But today I want to shine with my own style and personality, to be authentically me.
That's not to say I'm going to stop wearing camo or not dye my hair or stop listening to rock music while at the same time jamming to old music. I'm still going to write fantasy and fangirl over Sherlock and laugh with I Love Lucy. I still like to dance when no one's watching and I still dream of decorating my own apartment retro.
I enjoy wearing red lipstick and I wear hiking boots for fun in public and yes, I just watched a Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astaire movie and loved it. I snort when I laugh and I want to learn to dance some old dances like the conga or jitterbug. My favorite music artists are Switchfoot and Imagine Dragons and I wear a lot of flannel. I don't like eating foods with GMO or Corn syrup and I like a lot of organic.
I really don't like eyebrow piercings and I always wear converse shoes. I use to be a tom-boy but I really want to buy a dress for once in my life. I enjoy homeopathic remedies and I adore essential oils. I wear black fingernail polish and I've always wanted to play the violin. I don't like screaming metal music and worship music is my lifeline. I want to drive a VW bus and I've always wanted to visit California.
This is me.
The real me.
I'm a wildly unique human and I'm tired of pretending otherwise. I'm tired or worrying if people are laughing behind my back or judging me because I dress like I should enjoy playing the electric guitar and rock out when in all reality I want to go back to the 1920s and be a flapper (I joke about this quite a bit actually).
I have a dry sense of humor and use sarcasm, but I don't understand a lot of sarcasm if you use it on me. I trip a lot and would kill myself in high heels. I'm bluntly honest and drive my family crazy.
But I'm tired of pretending otherwise. I'm tired of worrying about who I am and if I measure up.
I'm me.
That's all I'll ever be.
That broken human who cries and is emotional and get's depressed due to hormonal issues. I'm far from perfect. I have a temper that I find hard to control. I get jealous easy. Sometimes I obsess over a movie too much. I have social anxiety from worrying too much about what you think. I repeat myself (hence why some blog posts may be similar to each other).
But this 2018 is a new year for me. I'm using this as a year to stand up and strive be the person God created me to be. I'm going to put myself in situations that strengthen and grow me. I'm not going to allow anyone to control me except Christ.
I'll still stumble, that doesn't mean I'll suddenly stop struggling, but I'm ready to be me - the real me.
Not a cheap imitation.
I'm going to stop settling for other's opinions and only worry about Christ's. 

People don't think about you half as much as you think they do. You are your own worst enemy in the comparative game. You are your own most judgmental person.
Maybe you're reading this and thinking that I blog about this a lot but let me be real - I struggle in this a lot. I want you to know you're not alone. I want you to know that we all compare, that we all see ourselves as not good enough and everyone else put-together.
But we're all beautiful in Christ's eyes. We're all wonderfully made. In Christ, we are who we're meant to be.