Hola readers!
The new year is always about something you want to change, new year resolutions and solving old issues that continue to arise. Recently I've been thinking about what  holds me captive most: Myself.
We truly our own worst enemies, holding ourselves back, telling ourselves we can't, we won't...we never will be good enough and there's no point in trying.

I could never get a schedule. 
I could never be on time. 
I could never eat healthy. 
I could never go to bed at a decent time. 
I could never stop smoking. 
I could never not be depressed. 
I'm always going to have anxiety. 
I can't keep up a blog.
I could never be as nice as you.
I could never work hard. 
I could never be friends with so and so. 
I could never forgive so and so. 
I could never stop cussing. 
I could never give up my phone. 

I. 

That little word holds so much power, deciding our face, controlling what we choose to do or not do.

I.

I could never...I can't...I won't...

I've always told myself I would never be a captive to anything, never let anyone or anything control me. I hate being controlled and therefore never wanted drugs or beer or anything that would take me away from control.
Yet in a very strange and odd sense, I even control my limitations, hold myself back...tell myself, "you can never do that." I use to think it was physical things that would hold me back but I'm captive to so much more.

2019. 
It's a new chapter, a new year. And I don't want to tell myself that I can't. I don't want to hold myself back but allow myself to try. You can, you will...there's nothing on earth that can stop you.
Don't let it.
We hold ourselves back, allow fear of failing to keep us from trying. We let addiction, the norm, what people tell us, lifestyle, our age, our past, our future...and even ourselves...tell us "you can't."
And so we never get far.
We tell ourselves, "let's be healthier in 2019," but as the pain and hunger cravings set in we say, "we can't."
And so we don't.
We say that we'll always be who we are right now, that we'll never change, and so we never try. We let doubt and fear and second guessing define what we will do and who we will become. We say "I can't," and allow it to control everything we do.
For so long I allowed me to define who I am and who I will become -- inside and out. I told myself that I couldn't get a job and do well, I couldn't try and publish a book, I couldn't defeat my depression and anxiety. I could't work in crowds without a panic attack. I couldn't...or at least that's what I told myself, and what I told myself held me back for so long. It controlled me, told me I would never...and so sometimes I never tried. I allowed what I thought were limitations in my life to define who I am.
But.
You know what?
I believe we can.
You can defeat anxiety.
You can quit smoking.
You can work hard.
You get get up early/go to bed at a decent time.
You can be social.
You can publish a book.
You can put down that cell phone.
You can
You can.
And you will.

Don't let doubts define you. Don't let yourself define you.
You are not defined by what you say you are but by who HE says you are.
God says you loved, that the darkness will not win, that you can fight. He says that you are strong, that you are brave, that you are beautiful.

Don't let yourself hold you back from your dreams and aspirations this year or any year.
Don't let you be the reason.
It's not worth it.