sometimes i wonder if you are okay |to the ones who have faded out of my life|
6:44 PM
This is a sort of open letter to some people who have faded out of my life in the last couple of years.
There are people who are in our lives briefly and touch us deeply. They steal a part of our hearts we did not think possible. We look back on our life before and wonder what we ever did without them.
It's scary how quickly we become attached, how quickly our lives are never the same.
And then, just when we think that, something happens. We lose touch, lose their number...they fade out of our lives.
And I hate that more than anything.
Sometimes I just wonder...if you are okay.
There's not a day I don't go thinking about you. Sometimes I think I see you at the mall or in a store.
I lay in bed and wonder if you're happy or if depression is still taking over your life. I hope your scars have healed and that you still know that you are loved.
I remember that one time you said I was your best friend and you hoped that at this time next year we would be in touch. I said we would be and I promised. I promised to take you to the next good concert that came by and that you could always come over and that why wouldn't we still be in each other's lives?
I lied.
It's been months and we haven't talked.
I remember when you tried to talk me into you cutting my hair and I laughed and said no because you might make it too short. I cut my hair short a few months ago and wanted to show you. You probably wouldn't recognize me now.
I remember when we texted every day and sometimes I would pray out loud for you. I remember hugging you when you cried and telling you I wish I was old enough to adopt you because you were so sad and just wanted to go home.
I remember when you messaged me and told me you wanted to commit suicide and I listened to your rants. I didn't really know what to say but I felt your pain. I could feel it bleed through the phone and it killed me that you were fighting those demons.
I've just been thinking about you a lot recently.
People fade in and out of our lives. It's hard to accept. I don't want to accept it. I want things to stay the same forever. I don't want them to change. I don't want to lose contact with the people I love.
But we do anyway.
And so I have to change whether I like it or not.
But I just wanted to let you know
i never stop wondering if you are okay
20 of your thoughts
This honestly... it's something I relate to. Not every aspect or every detail, but the wondering if someone is okay. The wanting to know how they are doing, but not being able to reach out to them. (In my case, I could, but I don't because of things were. Of how they changed.)
ReplyDeleteI worked with a boy around my age. For a while, I relied on him at my workplace to keep me happy, to listen to my rants, and to be able to talk to because I didn't get along with some of the other people at my work and I was alone. But he listened and he talked about his story of his life, and I listened. He got a different job, he was trying to be a better person, going to church and trying to become more faithful to God. When he left, he dropped it on me that he liked me more than a friend. And I didn't feel that way. It wasn't long before things changed, it was awkward, and then he kind of stopped talking to me. I don't reach back out because I know it's probably better this way and I wouldn't want him to think I'm leading him on. But sometimes, I wonder how he is.
Haha, here's the story no one asked for, lol.
Anyway, I love this post. It's inspired me to write a short story, even if it's for myself. so thank you. (still super excited for your book!!)
Thank you so much for being honest Ivie! I may not have asked for the story but I relate to your story!!!!! It's sad how things change and for me who doesn't enjoy change, it's really hard.
DeleteAnd thank you for your excitement, girl. YOU inspire me. XOXO
Amazing post, Kara. <33 It’s hard when friends leave or stop communicating with us....
ReplyDeleteIt really is, but I'm learning to try and be okay with it and to cling to the fact that I can't save them, and I can't always be there for them but there is Someone who can. XOXO
DeleteDon't be sad Kara you will always have me!-Jose
ReplyDeleteIs that supposed to be comforting? ;)
DeleteIm so sorry that this is an experience that you have. unfortunately, I can relate all too well. its funny, this week I too have been grieving the loss of a good friend. she suffered with anxiety, and not a day goes by where I dont wonder if shes doing better. its awful. they say heartbreak is bad, but in so many ways, friends you lose or lose contact with hurt.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing. I really appreciated this post
Ah, this is so true! It is heartbreaking to lose friends or people in your life whom you were close to. <3 <3 Thank you for sharing your heart!
DeleteI feel this deep in my soul.... <3
ReplyDeleteAww, thank you!
DeleteOh my gosh, YES!!! I know this feeling all too well.
ReplyDelete~ Lily Cat (Boots) | lilycatscountrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com
I think we all do. XOXO
DeleteYes, I often wonder if certain people are ok, and I wonder most of all WHY we had to fade apart ... it hurts, and I hate it. And I don't think it's necessary, but a sad thing that we humans allow to happen. And it shouldn't be.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully, painfully written.
keturahskorner.blogspot.com
Thanks so much, girl! I so appreciate your kind words. <3
DeleteAww, this is so sad and so true. There are just so many people who I think of to this day and wonder, where did you go?
ReplyDeleteAlthough, the ones that leave won't matter as much as the ones who stayed. <3
Thank you for commenting Gray! It is hard -- the post was especially written towards a young girl I mentored. <3 <3 <3 I just wonder sometimes, "where did you go?" XOXO
DeleteI had an experience like this so I can really relate. We were a group of four girls and we were all best friends since we were born. I moved when we were seven but we all stayed in touch. Then when we were 12/13, one of the girls distanced herself and broke away from our friend group. It was heartbreaking and I still think about her to this day.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the long comment.. I got a little carried away.
Lia
Aww thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry! That is so terribly hard!
DeleteThis is so real. It's so strange sometimes for me to think back on people who used to be in my life; some of them were there so long it's hard to believe they even existed.
ReplyDeleteOne, more recent person that I "lost" in a sense, was a good friend from work. She abruptly left, so I never got her number or anything to stay in touch. I knew that she had been through some stuff recently, so I worried about her when I didn't see or hear about her. (I did finally see her recently, which was an answered prayer.)
It's just so hard when somebody isn't in your life anymore, because to me, it feels like you're not there to help them or witness to them if they need it. And so you just have to pray for them all the harder.
theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com
Oh my word girl, YES YES YES! I can relate to this so well! <3 <3 <3
DeleteComments make me smile, lift my spirits and give me the motivation to continue writing. In return I'll comment on your blog, because you're awesome and deserve it.