Hola readers!
It has been a bit of a rough ride these last few weeks.

Wait! Make that last five months.

Just recently have I had a small taste of what it means to have no control over your body - to be at the mercy of medication and doctors. I'm by no means deathly ill, but I've really obtained a new perspective of my life and God's hand in it.
In September I began to have a burning sensation in my stomach and under my right rib area. I got a low grade fever on and off and a few other symptoms. I'm the girl who will put everything off until I'm in major pain and so I found myself at the ER getting hooked up to an IV and answering questions and waiting for blood results.




During this time of sickness, I've spent a lot of time in these last few months getting serious about prayer and my relationship with Jesus. A few weeks ago our internet went out at a time I thought God was telling me to go on a break. Then I began a serious daily Bible study, finding plenty of time since my medication made me tired and wanting to lie around.
I prayed everyday, read my Bible and prayed some more. I realized for the first time in my life how I have no control over my body - not really. I couldn't make my pain and sickness go away. Even the medication came with shortness of breath, extreme fatigue, and dizziness, forcing me off of them. I've realized quickly I can't do anything without God.
I am completely (at all times in my life) dependent on God as I'm forced to do things I don't like.



Like getting my blood drawn. Making sure I time my medication right.

And I realize how courageous those who deal with chronic problems and cancer everyday are. I mean I knew they were but I think I've fully grasped that now. I was struggling these last few months with a bad burning sensation that will Lord-willing go away soon, but to deal with sickness all my life.....WOW.

And I realized how weak I am. I always considered myself strong. I had life under control to a point. I  know get swayed easily when life is tough - like when I don't know what I'm supposed to do next or when self - hate whispers its lies again. But still I was never with health issues and I love natural remedies so I wanted to stick with that for forever.



But sometimes you can't and God has shown me how I need Him. A lot. I didn't realize how much I ignored my Bible and prayer until it was all I had. I get so frustrated sometimes - like today when my low grade fever was almost a hundred and I felt hot and then chilled like I have a dozen times over these last few weeks. But I realize how much stronger this is making me. I don't have control anymore. If I have to go through surgery I just do. It is something that God will get me through and I have to lean on Him.
My own strength is worthless and means nothing. He gives me everything I need.
I'm blogging about this because I want you to realize how much you need God. You may be going through life with nothing going on or maybe your world is crumbling. What I'm feeling now is only a taste of what you may be going through.
What I'm learning through this though is God is the only one you can truly depend on. When you're hit in the face with a ton of bricks it is not always easy to be strong. But God doesn't ask that you be strong.

He only asks that you lean into His strength to hold you up.

Pictures via my camera and I