A Post About Writing Letters And Praying For Your Future Husband

7:58 AM

Hola readers!
Today we're going to talk about a question broached by one of my friends - what I thought about praying to (*aheam* I didn't mean 'to' if you read the early edition of this post) for my future husband. I love, love that I can bring this up today because honestly (like dating and courtship), conservative Christians have (at times) taken it on a sometimes dangerous turn. Let me explain...


when I was about twelve, I began writing letters to my future husband and praying for him, this being inspired by the Christy Miller series as well as the rising popularity in the idea. I was going through a time where I was crushing hard on different guys - both fictional and real, and I have to say I was a bit guy obsessed. By the time I was fourteen I didn't have a boyfriend and I was getting as desperate as a fourteen year old teen can get when not seeing boyfriend material in sight or an interest from any time I crushed on a guy. Writing letters and praying for the man I didn't yet know was comforting to say the least...
Which was a bad thing.

picture via Eliza Downer

You see, I wanted a boyfriend/husband and by writing him personal letters, I could pretend he was there in the flesh. I could talk romantic, longing for him, allowing him to fill a space (in a way) that I felt was missing. I know this isn't the way for everyone, but I feel by praying for our FH, by writing him letters, we're playing God. We want a man in our lives and it's our way to fill the void. We're assuming we're going to get married, that one day he'll appear...but what if he doesn't? What if we destined to single-hood for the rest of our lives - what then? Would I be content? Would I feel that because he'd never come, that I can't be happy? Would I continually be searching?
I'm not saying this is the way for every one of you, I'm not saying letters or the prayer was wrong, and if you feel led to do so, then by all means, continue on. But I must ask...will you be content if this man doesn't exist? Will God be enough? It's easy to assume God will fill that desire of our hearts, but I'm a bit tired of people assuming I need a boyfriend or husband or will get married. Yes, I want that (much more then they haha), but it doesn't mean God will.
I have to ask myself...will I be content if that man doesn't show up? I can't continually pray for a husband, I can't continually dwell on romance, because my heart can get too wrapped up in that. That's just who I am. I love love, I love the idea of romantic dates, of having his kids, of being a wife and mother, of adopting kids together, of being in ministry together, of having that house in the country with a Husky dog and some animals.

So if you're like me (and even if you're not you should do this too), we instead need to learn to pray that we become completely content in Jesus Christ - not the idea of a significant other. We need to learn to rely on Jesus - not a relationship. We need to learn to say "thy will be done," before we ever think of romance where compromise will be key. We can't be searching when we've already been found. Our lives shouldn't be centered around any man, but The Man. The Man who died for you, who loved you more then life, who died on a tree so you could be together forever.
If that isn't romantic I don't know what is.

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10 of your thoughts

  1. thats a really interesting point of view. I really love your honesty. Its so weird how our Christian subculture is sometimes.

    I agree though. not all women will get married. and thats okay. like, its not the end of the world.

    I have been writing letters to my future husband on and off since I was 14. (Im currently 20.) and I started my last one out by saying "Dear future husband, I don't know if you exist anymore."
    because thats the truth. when I think about my future I do not see a man by my side. its not meant to be a self pity, "forever alone" thing. its just the truth. I know I'll be happy, but I don't think that entails being married anymore. I have learned to stop equating the two.

    beautiful post <3

    1. You're right - and I think we tend to see it as the end of the world if someone isn't getting married and if they find happiness simply without. Personally, I think I will get married and I feel called to be a wife and mother, but if someone isn't called to that and continues to strive after God as a single - that's just as beautiful!

  2. Yay, you posted about it! :) I agree with you, as you already know, and you explained the reasons why it can be a dangerous thing well. I like how you approach these subjects - challenging norms and trends, and pointing back to our relationship with God as most important.

    This sentence though: We can't be searching when we've already been found. <3 <3

    1. Aww thank you! I'm so you broached the topic because it's been something I've been meaning to bring up on here for a long time!
      So thankful for your friendship! <3

  3. Kara, I loved hearing your perspective on the subject! I don't think I ever avidly wrote letters or consistently prayed to God for a future husband, but I definitely have had elaborate daydream sequences with (sometimes very specific) guys. You're definitely right when you say we should focus on being complete in Christ!


    1. Yes, even daydreaming can be a little much. I've been there and it's not always for the best!
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts Sophia. <3

  4. Thank you for posting what God laid on your heart, Kara!! I agree, not every woman may get married but that's O.K Thanks for your thoughts and God bless!!!

    1. AND thank you for your thoughts Hannah! God bless you too girl!

  5. Strangely, I was thinking this morning of the idea of writing letters to my future spouse and how special it would be for him to read them in the years to come (that is, if I get married). Your perspective was a good reminder. I read a book this spring that engraved that idea into my mind. Christ is our Groom. He is all we need. We have a bigger purpose than just getting married - to live for the King of Kings! I think it's possible to write love letters to your future spouse with the right mindset...but what if we wrote letters to the One who loves us right now? He deserves our affections so much more than anyone else. ♥ Thank you for sharing, Kara!

    1. WOW God works in mysterious ways!!! And YES I love the idea of writing letters to Jesus - your comment inspired me to do that this morning in my quiet time and I thank you. =)


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