I see you standing there and I'm laughing at something you're saying. I'm always smiling when I'm around you. You just do that to me. I like your sense of humor, your style...you really the type of person I wish I could be.
But you always act like it's okay. You're not that great with vulnerability. I don't know that much about your past. I just know that you keep a lot of what happened inside, that you don't want to let it show. You're ashamed of who you once were...and of what you're afraid you can never be.
You told me you have a bad past.
You've hinted at what you wish you had never been.
But you act like it's too late to change.
Your story is too bad, you're too addicted, too depressed, too old, too young, too stuck in your ways. You don't see yourself changing, the impossibility mounting higher and higher the more you consider it. You've watched those around you change and you feel that could never be you.
I'm writing this for you.
I'm writing this because I see you but I don't know how to tell you, yet I ache for you to know the truth.
It is never too late to change.
God is the the God of the comeback. God is the God of the impossible. He chooses no favorites but I know He loves using others to prove that the impossible is possible. I know He loves proving that it's never too late. I know He delights in using your story to change the world.
He wants to wrap His arms around you.
He sees your addiction, He sees you holding the bottle in your hand, drowning in the depression that you will never be different. He sees you and He loves you.
He sees you and that only makes Him love you more.
Not less.
Jesus is with you.
Whether or not you ever choose to change, He will still walk with you. Whether or not you accept that it's not too late, He's not leaving you to go alone.
He longs to heal you, for you to be able to lift your head and say the past is in the past. He longs to use your story.
He doesn't find your story too big, too horrible, too ugly...too long ago. He does not ask that you be ashamed. He asks that you hand it to Him, what He already bore on the cross. He does not ask you to carry what is already dead.
Shame is a heavy burden to bear...especially when it's already been defeated. I know that too well. I've carried shame for far too long.
And I'm writing this, because I don't know how to tell you, because I look in your eyes and I don't want you to hold the weight. I care about you, I care what happens to you. I don't judge you, I don't think badly of you for what you once were.
Instead, I admire you for what you have become...and what can become...what you are every day in my life.
You're letting your past, the years, define you...
but they don't have to.
Please don't let it.
I'm writing this because even though you'll probably never read this, it gives me a peace of mind. That even though these words probably won't reach you, maybe my prayers will. I feel powerless sometimes to show my true thoughts, powerless to be honest with you. I talk about nice, every day things, because that's all I know how to do. I don't want to push it, to be that Christian friend.
I just don't know what to say.
So I'm saying it now. You are loved. No matter what, please just know that. You are loved and it's never too late. With Jesus, time is only a number. With Him, it's better late than never.
I'm sorry I don't know how to tell you.
I'm sorry the words won't come.
So I write this in hopes that one day you will know.
Much love,
Kara
