A few months ago a a guy friend joked to me about another guy having a crush on me. "It is not me he has a crush on. I've never had a boyfriend, much less a guy even crushing on me -- it's not happening, " I joked in reply.
Because joking is easier than what I was really feeling.


I am twenty years old and have never even been asked on a date.

I'm not embarrassed to admit it.
It's the honest truth.
I tell people that all the time without trying to feel shame or have people feel sorry for me.
But honestly? What I'm feeling deep down inside? Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. Sometimes I wonder why my friends are married or have gone on dates or are dating wonderful men, and I haven't even so much as had someone flirt with me.
I was never one to kiss dating goodbye. I was never the person who thought that one single date could lead to "the one."
I was never against dating in general.
Ever.
But as Valentines Day comes up, I may as well be.

I'm everyone's buddy. I'm everyone's friend. I'm the friend who everyone hangs out with but nothing goes much deeper than that. I'm a friend to everyone as much as possible....
and that's about it.
And at twenty that's not exactly many people's goal.
 Buttttt....I've learned to be content in my singleness.
Saying I'm happy to be single would be lying (let's not lie). I'm not saying it's all roses and butterflies. Honestly I don't think I will ever be able to say I'm happy to be single, and that's okay.
But I am content.
I have learned to look beyond the men in my life, to see what I can do in my singleness instead of what I cannot. I have learned to focus on cultivating friendships with the people in my life, dedicating much of my time to work and writing and blogging, and in general filling my time with hobbies and people I love. I have learned that I do not need a man to fill my time. I have learned not to chase men or a romantic relationship...it's too exhausting.
Romantic relationships are beautiful, I know that, I long for that.
But they are not my everything.
I don't want another human to have to fulfill me -- because in the end we would both be unhappy. A relationship cannot be my rock because human rocks never stay standing.
I certainly could never be anyone's rock.
If I am their rock, they're going to fall.

We can use other's as our source of happiness but in the end we will fail...and what then? Relationships are to help us grow, to love on us and encourage us, but when they became our main source of life...we will die inside.
I cannot allow a relationship (romantic, friendship, or otherwise) to give me life.
I simply cannot.
It has taken me months, years even, to become the human I am today and each day I am still growing. I need others around me but they do not define my worth.
They cannot.
The world has different ideas of my worth and I cannot use them to measure myself against. To try and make myself worthy of the world is exhausting. Even if they have the best intentions, the world is fallible and will fall...is falling.
I cannot.
I am Kara Lynn. My own worst enemy is myself and my second worst enemy is thinking others will make me happy. While they can for awhile, with time they will let me down even if they don't mean to. They will make mistakes, they may leave me...and what then?
Will my life no longer hold any value?

I am not defined by anyone or anything.
Neither are you.
When we allow relationships to define us, we will fall. When we allow possessions to become our worth, we will never be more empty. When beauty and popularity is our source of happiness, we will fall into the trap of depression.
When we look to the One who defines us, the One who is our Rock, the One who loves us no matter what we do, the One who calls us beautiful even on our ugliest of days...
that's when we will be happy
that's when life is worth living

Life isn't worth living for anyone or anything

except the One will never fails us.

I may not happy to be single this Valentines. A date would be nice sometime.
But I am content with life as it is.
And for now that is enough.