Hola readers!

I've been thinking a lot about God not being there for me. Not that He isn't there, but that He simply took a back seat. Sometimes I don't feel Him, sometimes His voice goes silent, sometimes, feelings rule my heart more then what I know: That God promises to never leave me.

But while I know that promise holds true, things happen. Bad things, terrible things - things I don't know how to cope with, like seeing marriages falling apart because another romance looks good, or a drug addict who won't repent. Or brokenness, or anger or stress, the day to day things that make me wonder...God, you're God after all...why couldn't you stop it?

Recently I wrote a blog post about God giving us more then we can handle, because I've come to terms that nothing can be more true. Receiving more then we can handle helps cement a dependence on God - it doesn't cement that God is unloving or unjust. Free will exists and because of that, circumstances out of our control.

But again, not out of God's, so why does He allow it? Why does He allow car wrecks or accidents or fights and chaos... or even me being awkward and out of place? Why do I go to church and feel like a misfit or go around people my own age and feel we have nothing in common?

I could write blog post upon blog post about that because it's not a one answer question. It's complex, huge, a concept atheist use to say Christianity is false: Because our so called loving God allows pain, then He must not be who He says He is.

He must not exist.

I've come to learn something though: Parents let go. Parents let you make choices on your own.

My dad use to tickle me until I laughed so hard I cried. He made me hold his hand when we crossed the street, called me silly nicknames, picked me up when I fell, didn't allow me to watch PG-13 movies without his guidance. He told me not to run on the ice covered sidewalks, made me hot chocolate, looked through my hair for ticks after playing in the woods and helped me over barbed-wire fences when we'd go fishing.
I knew he loved me.
He still does.
But something has changed...
I drive myself now, I go shopping and I don't hold anyone's hand. I choose my own movies, I walk on ice covered sidewalks alone, I no longer go fishing, I climb my own fences, decide when to go to the doctor or if I should go to church if I'm sick. I can drive to the theater at night, nurse my own wounds, make my own hot chocolate. It sounds sad when I put it that way, doesn't it? To no longer have my dad walking right there with me.
But he's letting me grow up, be the adult he knows I need to be with independence and my own choices, making my own mistakes. He doesn't love me any less and in a heartbeat he'd be there if I ever need him - and boy, I still need him.
But I know he loves me, I really do. If I wrecked my car, slipped on the ice, or watched a movie that "brains me for life" I'm not going to blame my dad. I made that choice on my own. While all circumstances aren't my fault per say and others are involved, I realize it's my choice to drive a vehicle, my choice to be 'on my own.' To have "free will," I guess you could say.

God is similar. For us to grow, sometimes He has to step back, sometimes a hard circumstance will allow us to mature as Christians. It doesn't mean He loves you any less when something bad happens, but we grow as Christians, He's allowed the world choices (we all love free will), and everyone is fallible. Everyone messes-up.
No one is perfect.
Not one.
God is ALWAYS there, no matter what. He's with you in every moment of every day. He's willing to talk, to guide, to hug you and dry your tears.
But our world is dark and bad things happen. Sometimes people say hateful things to us, sometimes they drive drunk, sometimes people commit adultery or their anger rules their lives.
And sometimes we get caught in the middle of it no fault of our own.

I try to imagine my dad not allowing me free-choices, of him forcing me to not drive or get a job or one day get married because he knows I'll eventually get hurt one way or another.
No, him allowing me to make my own choices doesn't mean he loves me less. Instead, it shows love - love that allows us to grow, to be the person we've been created to be.

And God is there. Unlike my dad, he can be with me 24/7.
But sometimes He steps back, because He sees the bigger picture and He knows exactly what we need. He gives us the freedom to worship, to love, to live, to be us. 

Because He loves us.
Not in spite.