Hola readers!


Once upon a time I thought depression was the only thing that could get to me. Depression was an enemy I was familiar with. I know his tactics. I knew when it was coming and how to begin the battle. I've been there all my life. Depression was something I could handle.

But then once upon a time, I got really, really, really, burnt out.

And that was today. And yesterday. And the day before that.

But I didn't know the name for it.

I just knew that I had no motivation to read my Bible or go to church. I just knew that I didn't want to pray. I feel numb. Raw. Vulnerable. Lonely. In my own little, personal bubble, trapped behind a mask of pretend realness.

And it's real, readers.

Being burnt out spiritually is both real and horrible and mixed with depression, is a recipe for both disaster and heart ache.
How did I become burnt out?
I've poured so much into the church, into others, but stepping back? I've never gotten poured into. I figure out what songs for worship on Sunday, I blog, I write, I mentor, I tell others to love themselves because God made them, I tell them to read their Bible and surround themselves with other Christians, yet do I do the same?
It's become about reaching people, yet I have no one reaching for me.
I do not say this for you to feel sorry for me. That's not why I'm writing. I write with a mission and my mission isn't to have people click on my blog and feel sorry for me.
That would lose my point for writing in the first place.

This post is for the ones who know what I'm talking about. It's not just for the fellow pastor's kids, but the ones who spiritually pour into other people but forget to seek people to pour into them. It's for the ones who spend so much time mentoring they forget they need mentored.
This is for the ones who say, "yes. I'm there right now."
There's nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with me.
It's just means something has to change.
We need to find where we are spiritually empty.
And surprisingly reading the Bible and praying won't always be the only answer.
Because we were created for fellowship.
And sometimes we as Christians (both old and new) forget that.
I don't remember the last time someone prayed with me.
I don't remember the last time I had a really deep conversation with someone over an open Bible in person.
I don't remember the last time I listened to a sermon and got something out of it.
I don't remember the last time I felt God really, really, close.

Sometimes I feel so alone. I'm surrounded by a world that wants nothing to do with God and if they do, it's only in passing comment. I'm attracted personally to the lost people, the ones so obviously far from God. When in a group setting, I intentionally seek those people out. The misfits, the ones who label themselves far from God.
And this is okay.
This is great.
This does not need to change.
But I also need the people who pray for me. I need the people who cry with me. I need people who are willing to open their Bible with me.

I need those people in my life weekly. I need this people or like right now, we burn out.
 And I'm burned out.
So in this rant I'm just trying to say that if you are with me, hello. You're not alone.
Let's be real, burned out isn't fun.
But it's real.
And you're not alone.

There's no formula to change this. It needs changed but each life is unique. I can't tell you what to do different. Right now I don't even know what to do for me.
But I know what's going on.
And I think that's the first step.
Finding the sickness and then curing the disease always is.

So hello fellow burned-out Christian. This isn't fun but it's just another test, just another part of the journey -- a part that you need to conquer and pray over and ask for direction.
I wish I could tell you what happens next.
I wish I could tell you I eagerly await church on Sunday.
I want that, I really do.
But I don't.
But I think what this calls for, is not skipping church.
But going anyway.
That's the answer is this moment of confusion and pain and burned out.
Not feeding the emotions.
Defeating them.