Dear younger me,
Hello.
I read your old journals the other day. Your words made my heart break and I wanted to reach through the pages and hug you. You were so broken and you saw no way out. I remembered your tear stained face in the mirror as I read. I remembered you curled up on your bed crying yourself to sleep. I remember your anger at the world.  You felt so alone. You didn't think it could get better.
And it made my heart shatter. You were so deceived. You listened to the lies the devil fed you.
Dear younger me, I wish I could go back and tell you that your brokenness does not define you. I wish I could go back and tell you that you are loved, that you are not alone, that every breath is a second chance. I wish I could tell you that you won't find happiness in people pleasing, that people will hurt you but that there love doesn't define you.
 I wish I wasn't who I was.
Dear younger me...
I almost wish I could go back and change so much.
But I can't.
And maybe that's a good thing.
Dear younger me,
I can't change you.
I can't change the past.
But I don't think I want to.
Dear younger me, I can't change your past, but I can change the future. Dear younger me, there is so many people out there just like you. I met a young girl who is a lot like you. I told her about you and she told me her own story. She's gone through a lot more than you have but she felt close to me because of you. She felt she could be safe with me because of you.
Dear younger me,
I once thought I would want to change the past. I once thought that would be nice. I wanted to erase your mistakes and make everything happy for you. I wanted to take away your depression and anxiety and attacks. I wanted everything to be okay. I wanted to say I wasn't that person. I wanted to take back all the cruel words I said to you and others, to let go of the anger and bitterness and darkness.
I sometimes look back on you and cringe because I could have done a lot of things differently.
But I don't want that anymore.
Dear young me,
your story is helping others.
There is beauty in that brokenness. You will be used for good. You are not failing...and you will be free.
Dear younger me,
I won't let your pain be in vain. It get's better. I promise. Keep fighting, keep your head up. I promise it will get better. And I promise that I will let others know that. Because of you I am stronger. Because of you I have had a desire to help others. Because of you I can counsel and mentor.
Thank you.
I'm sorry for your pain.
It breaks my heart, but I want you to know

thank you

Love,
your older self


Other open letters from the past
an open letter to the people in my life who feel like it's too late
you will not win