Hola readers!

Recently I have become consumed by people's thoughts about me, by their actions towards me, and whether or not I acheive their standards.
I so easily become angry when people's actions are wrong or completely uncalled for. I am upset when a car swerves out in front of me and then proceeds to go slower than I was going in the first place. I am so easily irritated when a person treats me with disrespect, when people are unfair, when life does not match up.
Bascially if you want an example of an easily offended person, just look to me.
I don't always show it; I'm good at hiding things, but it's there just the same.
And sometimes it eats me alive. It steals my happiness and takes away my joy. I go into crying fests because of someone else's actions or words, allow my day to be ruined, or simply seeth in silence about how unfair that person was.
Recently I've grown tired of living this way. I'm tired of letting someone else's actions dictate my world.
So I decided to experiment. Sometime about two weeks ago, I decided to challenge myself to
not talking bad about those around me
not letting people's actions get under my skin
become more easy-going and if life ain't fair, then so be it. I can't control it. I can try to change it but if nothing changes, let it go. 

I just wanted to see what would happen, if I would feel any differently. I crave the freedom of living live without someone else's world dictating my own. My anxiety is often rooted around other people and their thoughts and words, and I don't want that anymore.
Often when I challenge myself to something, I give up or (being scatter brained) forget I challenged myself in the first place *face palm*
But I surprised myself by actually going for it.
These last few weeks, I've failed. I'll admit it right now -- I didn't go a without being completely unoffended or anywhere near. I let people get to me. I cried over some people's comments. I let myself get angry over a stranger who got out on the strong side of the bed. I talked bad about people, complained about people.

But...

• I learned that I'm easily offended (duh)

Trying to live an unoffended life, taught me how offended I actually get....how bad I am at judging people, at being consumed by people, at allowing people to rule my brain. It actually shocked me how easy it was for me to talk crap about people, for me to get angry.

• I learned that being offended isn't a pretty quality but

It's ugly, it's mind-consuming..

• it's human

being offended is part of being human. I realized that I can't control split second thoughts when a girl rolls her eyes at me, when I have to wait in line a whole lot longer than I should, or in the really junky, hard-life stuff like being bullied and belittled by someone you love.
Being offended and angry comes up in life.
But I have seen anger destroy so many lives.
I am not a stranger to the crap life hands you.
But I have also seen many people free of anger despite the fact that the world tells them they are entitled to it. Which leads me to my last and final point...

• I learned that being offended and angry isn't freeing

It is so far from it. For a split moment it's freeing. It's that desire of wanting to hurt that other person with our anger, but in the end it only hurts us (the angry people) most. In the end, the people we are angry with probably could care less.
It's us who we hurt in the end.
I think the sweetest revenge is living free even when we've been hurt, living happy when the world tells us we should live offended, living and not caring even when everything else asks us why we're not dwelling on the past. The sweetest revenge to the name of hurt, to the dark world, is when we live free despite everything.
These last few weeks taught me this.
I became atuned to the people who are prone to feeling offensive, so much like myself. I caught myself complaining about other people. I caught myself dwelling on an action that had happened hours ago. I caught myself remembering past hurts and running them over and over in my mind.

Yes, it's human to feel.
Yes, it's human to hurt.
It's human nature to feel angry and rejected and feel the unfairness of life.  It's human to feel hurt and pain. Don't get me wrong -- this past week has taught me that to feel is a part of life. To talk with others about our pain is never wrong, but is healing. To tell our stories, to speak aloud about life should never be overlooked.
But what I learned most of all is that while to feel, to have emotions is to be human, we are also called to be free.
My biggest light-bulb moment happened the other day in the car. I was running someone's words through my mind, words that had hurt me. I tasted rejection and it stung.
And then it hit me: If it hurts this bad to taste rejection like I have these times in my life, how much more it must hurt God when we reject Him?
I'm not trying to sound cliche or spiritual here.
But it's the truth.
We tend to see God as this big Being with no feelings, when in the truest sense, the deepest sense, the unconditional love He gives freely is often rejected or ignored. We don't accept Him, we forget Him, or we just say, "later." He has millions of people reject Him every day, curse Him and mock Him.
The God who should be offended and angry the most, still loves us.
Maybe this is a cliche answer. If you are hurting and angry, this may not change your perspective. But it did change mine.

Reality: I'm human.
I love to love on people.
But in the same breath, sometimes the last thing I want to do is love on them.

However, these last few weeks have shown me that more than ever I need to love and love continually. It has shown me how human I am, how I can't try to conquere the world, and how it's okay to feel...

but it's also essential to let go.

In the end, the people who live free despite the hurt are the strongest, are the warriors, are the fighters.