a year of letting go and what that meant (oh! and books!) |2019 wrapped|
7:00 AM
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| A rare look at my family |
Hola readers!
2019 summed up in the best ways possible....
"I feel 2019 will be a time for even more healing and scarring and pain. I feel I will have to learn to let go and be stronger for it. I think 2019 will be a time of overflowing blessings no matter what.
I feel I will have to make hard choices, that feeling depressed will rise up again, that I will feel I am black sliding.
But I know I will rise.
Maybe there's not one word for 2019.
Maybe it's let go.
I have a hard time letting go in general, of dreams, of the past, of people...
December 24th 2018
I didn't realize on that semi-warm Christmas eve as I donned my "merry and bright" shirt and headed out to a Christmas eve service, that I was right about what the following year would bring.
2019 has been a wonderful year for me. I have had more growth this year then I think I've had in any year yet.
I...
published my YA (light) fantasy The Broken Prince. This was my biggest accomplishment, my biggest joy, one of my biggest moments of growth. It's been one of the most refreshing and exciting feelings to finally let go of my writing and allow it to go to small piece of the world. This was more for me than anything.
started book TWO (AND AM ALMOST FREAKING FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT)
started writing for Oh Beloved One Magazine
reached 140+ followers here on the blog
celebrated turning an official adult at 21
cut my hair super short (pixie cut for the win)
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| I am such a dork... |
cut my hair super short (pixie cut for the win)
got a twitter account (and barely use it)
met two online friends who are now more real to me than ever!
became an associate trainer at my job
our church officially dissolved for the time-being and we moved to the one we currently attend
bought a 2013 Nissan!!!
read 80+ books
Favorite childhood book read...
The War That Saved My Life
Favorite YA...
Jackaby by William Ritter
This Way Home by Wes Moore
Even If I Fall by Abigail Johnson
In 27 Days
Favorite Nonfiction
Outlaw Christian
Beginner's Pluck
Favorite Contemporary
Two Weeks by Karen Kingsbury
Favorite suspense
Annabel Lee from Mike Nappa
My Top Listened to artist (according to Spotify)
Disciple
I find truth in this because I listened to their CD Love Letter Kill Shot wayyy too many times for any human. However, I also jammed quite a bit to Lacey Sturm, Nickelback, Devour the Day, Lifehouse, The Fray, and NF.
Top songs...
Cuff the Criminal from Disciple
You Found Me from The Fray
The Soldier from Lacey Sturm
Panic Room from Disciple
Love Don't Die from Lifehouse
Numb from Veridia
Gone, Gone, Gone from Philip Philips
Golden City from Devour the Day
If Today was Your Last Day Nickelback (I don't love all of their music but this one is a winner)
I've learned a lot in 2019. I've learned how to be an adult but most importantly how to be a good adult. But learning and being one is two different things. I've had to learn to let go
a
lot.
I didn't know what that would mean when I penned it last year. I thought maybe letting go of friends or people, and in some ways that has been true. I love hard and want to be everyone's best friend, and real life happens and you realize some people will reject that friendship.
But it wasn't letting go of people that was hardest -- it was letting go of myself.
I realized how I go into friendships wanting in return -- affirmation, love, etc, etc. Those feel-good feelings that make you feel accepted. But life isn't about acceptance. You can work your butt off and not get praise. You can climb and climb that ladder of success and you still won't feel that affirmation you thought you would get.
I'm learning that now.
I'm learning to be content with the little things, to find joy not in what people can bring me or I them. It's about doing life and letting go of their expectations...but also your's. I am seeing how much of an enemy I can be of myself, how loud those voices in my head can get.
They tell me to reach and reach and when I fall, mock my landing. I am learning that those voices can make me feel like an outcast when I'm not. They tell me lies, twist my beliefs and make me feel less.
I'm learning to stop trusting those voices and my feelings.
And of course it's easy to say that.
The hard thing this 2019, has been letting go of them.
I don't know what 2020 will bring or this next decade. Right now I'm just taking this month to reflect on what has happened -- the good and the bad and see the better person I am for it...and the flaws too because seeing our flaws is the first step towards overcoming.
I am learning to let go and that has been the hardest thing this year.
So hard.
A good hard.
Not the hard where I am depressed and weepy (though that has existed too) but the hard where I fall a little each day, feeling as though I have back slid and must get up again.
The getting up again when you fail -- that can be the hardest part.
Favorite YA...
Jackaby by William Ritter
This Way Home by Wes Moore
Even If I Fall by Abigail Johnson
In 27 Days
Favorite Nonfiction
Outlaw Christian
Beginner's Pluck
Favorite Contemporary
Two Weeks by Karen Kingsbury
Favorite suspense
Annabel Lee from Mike Nappa
My Top Listened to artist (according to Spotify)
Disciple
I find truth in this because I listened to their CD Love Letter Kill Shot wayyy too many times for any human. However, I also jammed quite a bit to Lacey Sturm, Nickelback, Devour the Day, Lifehouse, The Fray, and NF.
Top songs...
Cuff the Criminal from Disciple
You Found Me from The Fray
The Soldier from Lacey Sturm
Panic Room from Disciple
Love Don't Die from Lifehouse
Numb from Veridia
Gone, Gone, Gone from Philip Philips
Golden City from Devour the Day
If Today was Your Last Day Nickelback (I don't love all of their music but this one is a winner)
<<>>
I've learned a lot in 2019. I've learned how to be an adult but most importantly how to be a good adult. But learning and being one is two different things. I've had to learn to let go
a
lot.
I didn't know what that would mean when I penned it last year. I thought maybe letting go of friends or people, and in some ways that has been true. I love hard and want to be everyone's best friend, and real life happens and you realize some people will reject that friendship.
But it wasn't letting go of people that was hardest -- it was letting go of myself.
I realized how I go into friendships wanting in return -- affirmation, love, etc, etc. Those feel-good feelings that make you feel accepted. But life isn't about acceptance. You can work your butt off and not get praise. You can climb and climb that ladder of success and you still won't feel that affirmation you thought you would get.
I'm learning that now.
I'm learning to be content with the little things, to find joy not in what people can bring me or I them. It's about doing life and letting go of their expectations...but also your's. I am seeing how much of an enemy I can be of myself, how loud those voices in my head can get.
They tell me to reach and reach and when I fall, mock my landing. I am learning that those voices can make me feel like an outcast when I'm not. They tell me lies, twist my beliefs and make me feel less.
I'm learning to stop trusting those voices and my feelings.
And of course it's easy to say that.
The hard thing this 2019, has been letting go of them.
I don't know what 2020 will bring or this next decade. Right now I'm just taking this month to reflect on what has happened -- the good and the bad and see the better person I am for it...and the flaws too because seeing our flaws is the first step towards overcoming.
I am learning to let go and that has been the hardest thing this year.
So hard.
A good hard.
Not the hard where I am depressed and weepy (though that has existed too) but the hard where I fall a little each day, feeling as though I have back slid and must get up again.
The getting up again when you fail -- that can be the hardest part.
What has your year looked like for you? Where have you seen growth as a person?
P.S Don't forget (shameless advertising) -- my book is on sale N O W for less than nine dollars on Amazon!!!! Just an FYI that I will personally send you some paper goodies if you buy The Broken Prince before Christmas.
P.S Don't forget (shameless advertising) -- my book is on sale N O W for less than nine dollars on Amazon!!!! Just an FYI that I will personally send you some paper goodies if you buy The Broken Prince before Christmas.
11 of your thoughts
Such a wonderful post, Kara! Letting go is so hard, but your thoughts on the matter are beautiful. <3 <3
ReplyDeleteNicole Dust
Aw, girl you are so lovely. Thank you! Letting go is so very hard but it's been an incredible year!
DeleteIt's always so encouraging to look back on a year and see just how much growth happened. It sounds like 2019 was a full year for you! Also I'll need to check out some of the books you mentioned! I hope you have a great rest of the year and continue to grow through 2020!
ReplyDeleteIt really is! I always take the last month of the current year to reflect. <3 YES please check out the books -- they are some really good ones that have really been solid reads. <3
DeleteWow, loved reading this! 2019 has been so crazy, it's been quite hard, but a lot of good has happened too.
ReplyDeleteastordetective.blogspot.com
A lot of good has happened with me too -- so excited for the new year! Thank you for commenting!
DeleteI loooove You Found Me, Love Don't Die and Gone, Gone, Gone!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing all you've learned! I'm praying 2020 will be amazing for you <3
AHHH someone who loves my songs!!!!!! I asked a friend the other day what she thought of The Fray and she said, "I hate them."
DeleteI was like. "OK then." XD
Thank you so much for praying, girl. You are loved XOXO
Kara Lynn you look lovely in your short hair cut. Love it. Blessings and Happiness for you in 2020.
ReplyDeleteMarion
Aw girl thank you! Blessings to you too. XOXO
DeleteLovely recap! Publishing a book is so exciting. I have to read it!
ReplyDeleteComments make me smile, lift my spirits and give me the motivation to continue writing. In return I'll comment on your blog, because you're awesome and deserve it.