Hola readers!
I walked into work about an hour after I normally do. We had three employees working today. The bathrooms were restricted to just us. Tables blocked the path into the dining room. An eerie silence hung over the whole cafe.
What a wild last three days.
Wild.
When I look back at last week or even two weeks ago, the comparison is insane. One minute I'm telling people, "see you next week," and the next I'm saying, "see you...soon....hopefully..."
What is this? How do we even wrap our minds around this panic?
I've stopped scrolling through my socials. It scares me and panic is the last thing I need. I've stopped watching the news too. Mainly I just read articles from my local area to keep updated on what's happening without the wide spread fear.
How do we cope? What hope can we give people when we really don't know what this is. Our generation hasn't had to deal with a crisis. We've lived decently comfortable lives even if it hasn't always been 100%. We've haven't had to worry about bombs taking our homes. We haven't had extreme famine and have grown accustomed to remaining connected 24/7.
And then this happens.
I won't go into detail because y'all hear me. Suddenly our world is not what we once thought it was. Suddenly plans are swept aside and we're fearing for our lives.
It's sickening.
I haven't stopped having the burning anxiety in my stomach in probably a week. I was doing so well mentally and suddenly.....I've taken a step back. I had come to the mindset that I was "conquering" and now I feel like I'm failing. What is this weakness when I thought I was so strong?
I don't know how to cope with this zero sense of control. I don't know how to cope with being an extrovert and locked in my home for who knows how long.
No control.
Fear.
Worry.
Questions.

Guys, I don't know what's going on. I don't know how to cope with this. I don't even know what I'm trying to say or if this blog post will help you or make you worry as much as I am. This blog is going to become a house for my mind these next few weeks. If it feels like a toxic house for you to see me struggle with what's happening, I understand. Feel free to depart until I can get back on base with everything.
Until then, I will be posting life stuff, mind stuff, coping stuff.
I once said writing is my therapy, and that hasn't changed.

Thank you lovely readers for sticking with me through this. Let's fight together!