Hola readers!

I've always wanted to do something big. I was the type of girl who couldn't decide a major because I wanted to pick something that would make the most difference. When I wrote books back as a young teenager, I imagine not just writing books, but writing books that change peoples' minds about issues that matter to me. I didn't just want to blog, I wanted to make people think.
I was the girl who dreamed of huge mission trips, and was inspired by stories about my real life heroes such as Nate Saint and Louie Zamberini, and listened with my whole heart in school as my mom talked about missionaries and huge revivals and world-travelers. My favorite movies revolved around strong main characters who made a difference and was remembered, like Robin Hood and Frodo and seeing the kids in Narnia conquer the white witch. My mind swirled with ideas and thoughts of how I could change the world.
I wanted to make a big change.
Not just a little one.
I wanted to look back on my life and leave a mark, to live for something bigger than myself.

But no matter how much my mind whirled with ideas, I couldn't figure out how to make a big enough difference. I wasn't going on a missions trip, depression held me captive, and by the time I almost graduated High School I knew I wanted to write...I couldn't imagine myself a police officer or social worker or in the military or a missionary or even traveling overseas. I was happy living in my small town, I loved my little church, and I was perfectly content with those in my community.

But I remember feeling a huge sense of loss...
How could I make a difference where I was at? I wasn't doing anything particularly special.

People told me to have faith.
God could move mountains, they said. Just have faith and I would have money for that missions trip or college and I would get to do big things.
But He didn't.
Not that I could see anyway.
I didn't see any lights form heaven, I didn't have a ring to take to Mordor, and I didn't feel called to preach to natives. No matter how much faith I had, that just wasn't happening.
And this made me feel almost worthless. My dreams seemed to small yet so impossible compared to so many others. I worked a summer job to help kids in my area, I now bus tables, and for years I didn't even have a job. My dad is the pastor of a tiny church where everyone feels more like family and I've never reached more than 120 people on my blog.
I'm the normal person. I don't see myself as a world changer.
I loved my life, my family, I loved where I lived and my friends. But I wasn't doing anything that makes people raise their eyebrows.
I'm not a doctor or lawyer or even going to college.
Currently, I'm 20 and I bus tables and edit and edit my book that I hope to one day publish. I battle anxiety and depression and plan and dream and cope and hope.
I'm not one of those people that make others go, "now there goes someone who's going to change the world. She's going places."
 I'm happy with who I am. I don't want to change, and that's okay, even if it's not okay with others. Maybe you're with me? Maybe you see yourself in this ramble?
Then listen up.
I write this for you.
Because God has whispered in my life and reminded me of this truth. Jesus came and He wasn't a world changer in the peoples' sense of the world. He ate with weird people, hung out with prostitutes and cheats, did jobs that didn't make much money, and preached outside. He told stories that people could relate to, and loved the misfits and people who felt they weren't doing much with their life.
People didn't see Him as a world changer.
He raised eyebrows but seemingly for all the wrong reasons. He wasn't loud spoken but spoke out when he saw a need. He gave food to the poor and hugged the sick. He wasn't in the churches because He was the church.
People probably questioned Him.
But he kept going because he wanted to teach people like me something:

my life is my mission.

I want to do big things and there's nothing wrong with that. Big dreams, reaching high, making a big impact and being a missionary or leaving home or fostering kids when you're barely out of childhood yourself...all good things.
These people never cease to inspire me. If you are one of these people, hugs are coming your way. I admire and respect you.
But I wasn't created to be that type of person.
I just wasn't.
I'm me with my own unique journey and my life is my mission no matter where I end up. The mission field is my job, my friends, my neighborhood, the school down the road. It's going out and feeding the homeless in my city who live off drugs and past regrets. It's writing a play at my church, and blogging and editing my novel that I feel called to right. It's hugging the hurting and telling stories people can relate to. It's being okay with raising eyebrows and going the places most people ignore. It's cleaning parks, texting my hurting friend that I love her, going out of my way to help someone else, and reaching even one person.
Just one.
It's about one thing at a time, being who I'm meant to be...it's starting with where I am, knowing it's never too late to start again. It's not being too old or too young...but in the time and place where Jesus sets me.
It's not about the where or why or size of the mission, it's about where you're at right now, the people in your life right now, who you are right now, and using that.
That's all that matters.
My dreams may not always seem big enough or make enough money or be enough. I may never be enough for the world. But me and my journey means something to God. I mean something to Him and each day as I never fail to disappoint myself and others, I will never surprise God with my failings. Each day He picks me back up, puts me back on the path, and sends me out again. It's not about where I'm at -- it's about Who I'm with and where the journey is taking me.

If I can stop one heart from breaking by Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.